He was glad, happy maybe. The gods had made sure the weather atleast was pleasant. Rain and the slightest of cool breeze. What could be more romantic?
"I can't say a YES, And don't want to say NO", she said.
She looked sideways, hoping to see the reaction.
He just sat there, all passive, showing no evidence that the words had registered.
I might have to repeat that , she thought.
As she curled her lips, his eyes moved frantically, he jumped up.
"You what? Does that even make sense? I might have trouble understanding that when I am normal, let alone making sense of it now!"
She smiled, he waited.Silence.
"I cannot tell you how much you mean to me." He started, knowing the strength he had found was only momentary,and silence was one thing he dreaded more than this moment itself. But also realizing that in his eagerness, he had made the most cliched opening possible.
"Quick, repair the damage", hissed his brain.
"But isn't that the truth", whispered the heart, knowing it had no logic or reason unlike the brain to sooth itself if the dream it had so vividly built, remained just that, a dream.
But what should he say, the boy thought. He might be in love with this girl, surely he could tell her how much she meant to her. After all, it always worked in the movies.
"And I know that I am just the nice guy in your life, but I can be more.You say I make you smile, I wanna make that smile permanent. I wanna be the one constant thing in your life forever. And you say things have not worked before, I say it had a reason. It was I who was destined to be with you.Being with you is all I want."
He waited, looked away an then straight into her eyes. Should I take her hand, he thought. And smiled a little, surprised by his boldness. No, her hand is her's to give, not this to take."Still wanting to take a morally upper-hand, after blindfolding a girl into his proposal trap. But he couldn't have lived in silence either.This was better. Like Martyrdom", he had thought .
He continued, "I dont know why I feel the way I do. I have never fallen for somebody so hard. For months my day has started and ended with yours. All I thought was about what you said, what you had meant. Why were you quiet? All those times you asked how was I able to see through the fake smileys, I wanted to tell you because you were all I thought about. "
He paused, wanting to go on but not knowing how much to say. "That guy" he had gone to advice for had said, "Maukke pe Chaukka". He had laughed on his advice then. He should have asked for a clarification.
The two beggar kids meanwhile had sensed an opportunity of making a quick buck. "Swoop in on a couple during an intense dicussion", they had realized was an easiest way of making a ten-er. If only they knew what was going on, they had sympathise with him. There was absolutely no "couple" thingy right now. But he must have liked the similarity, for he handed a ten.
"You dont have to", she said sternly.
"Aage chalo", she said.
She continued, "Everything will change...."
But he drifted off. Begging was so easy, if only love was too.Looking up at the kids, his gaze fell on the other "couples". Somehow all of them seemed so superficial to him. We will be better, he dreamt. He had felt her pull, the void that occupied her place when she left. And yet he was confounded by love.Not even sure if it existed. How could he, when he was yet to find it. Atleast the types shown in movies.
".......butterflies in my stomach...."
His thread of thoughts snapped, butterflies in her stomach, that ought to be good.
And he smiled, grinned , maybe all his dreams were not in vain. All that time he had cursed his looks, attitude, demeanor;maybe all was not lost. Maybe she liked him too.
She caught that smile, cos she quickly corrected "I really do not want to be in this position, I do not want to have to do this. Things are good, why do yo want them to go bad."
"They won't go bad, I promise"
"All guys say that...."
And then he knew. He will never be what she wanted, it was not his fault but there was nothing he could do either. He had got his answer, it did not matter now what she said. He had realized. Pain, shock,numbness. He could not put into words what he felt. The brain had shut down, the heart wished to jump out and prove once and for all, how much he cared. But the brain registered nothing. Months later when he pictured it again as it was just happening , he felt the same feeling. Suffocation, helplessness, the wish to cry at what he had lost, but also laugh at his bold attempt.
"yes or no", he asked.
"why", she said. "anyhow I will lose a friend."
"I am not sorry for feeling the way I do. I cannot go about being friend with all these emotions bottled out. That would be cheating your friendship.I had to tell you. So YES or NO??"
"Can I have some time"
"You already know what you gonna say, listening it on a phone will not make it any sweeter for me."
And the day wore on, with nothing new said. At last,he saw the lips curl and a NO whispered.
His brain, all too intelligent, blocked it out.
The good thing about bikes is that you are so busy accelerating and saving your life, that all else is left for opportune moments. It was that night I relized bike riding can be addictive too.
***
"Gods were pleased with you, the weather was pleasant. So, what did she say"
"We already knew ", he replied.
"And you still went ahead?"
He smiled.
"You gave her the poem? I liked the font.Can you send it to me."
"Bro, you are more excited about the poem than she was."
***
"I can't say a YES, And don't want to say NO", she said.
She looked sideways, hoping to see the reaction.
He just sat there, all passive, showing no evidence that the words had registered.
I might have to repeat that , she thought.
As she curled her lips, his eyes moved frantically, he jumped up.
"You what? Does that even make sense? I might have trouble understanding that when I am normal, let alone making sense of it now!"
She smiled, he waited.Silence.
"I cannot tell you how much you mean to me." He started, knowing the strength he had found was only momentary,and silence was one thing he dreaded more than this moment itself. But also realizing that in his eagerness, he had made the most cliched opening possible.
"Quick, repair the damage", hissed his brain.
"But isn't that the truth", whispered the heart, knowing it had no logic or reason unlike the brain to sooth itself if the dream it had so vividly built, remained just that, a dream.
But what should he say, the boy thought. He might be in love with this girl, surely he could tell her how much she meant to her. After all, it always worked in the movies.
"And I know that I am just the nice guy in your life, but I can be more.You say I make you smile, I wanna make that smile permanent. I wanna be the one constant thing in your life forever. And you say things have not worked before, I say it had a reason. It was I who was destined to be with you.Being with you is all I want."
He waited, looked away an then straight into her eyes. Should I take her hand, he thought. And smiled a little, surprised by his boldness. No, her hand is her's to give, not this to take."Still wanting to take a morally upper-hand, after blindfolding a girl into his proposal trap. But he couldn't have lived in silence either.This was better. Like Martyrdom", he had thought .
He continued, "I dont know why I feel the way I do. I have never fallen for somebody so hard. For months my day has started and ended with yours. All I thought was about what you said, what you had meant. Why were you quiet? All those times you asked how was I able to see through the fake smileys, I wanted to tell you because you were all I thought about. "
He paused, wanting to go on but not knowing how much to say. "That guy" he had gone to advice for had said, "Maukke pe Chaukka". He had laughed on his advice then. He should have asked for a clarification.
The two beggar kids meanwhile had sensed an opportunity of making a quick buck. "Swoop in on a couple during an intense dicussion", they had realized was an easiest way of making a ten-er. If only they knew what was going on, they had sympathise with him. There was absolutely no "couple" thingy right now. But he must have liked the similarity, for he handed a ten.
"You dont have to", she said sternly.
"Aage chalo", she said.
She continued, "Everything will change...."
But he drifted off. Begging was so easy, if only love was too.Looking up at the kids, his gaze fell on the other "couples". Somehow all of them seemed so superficial to him. We will be better, he dreamt. He had felt her pull, the void that occupied her place when she left. And yet he was confounded by love.Not even sure if it existed. How could he, when he was yet to find it. Atleast the types shown in movies.
".......butterflies in my stomach...."
His thread of thoughts snapped, butterflies in her stomach, that ought to be good.
And he smiled, grinned , maybe all his dreams were not in vain. All that time he had cursed his looks, attitude, demeanor;maybe all was not lost. Maybe she liked him too.
She caught that smile, cos she quickly corrected "I really do not want to be in this position, I do not want to have to do this. Things are good, why do yo want them to go bad."
"They won't go bad, I promise"
"All guys say that...."
And then he knew. He will never be what she wanted, it was not his fault but there was nothing he could do either. He had got his answer, it did not matter now what she said. He had realized. Pain, shock,numbness. He could not put into words what he felt. The brain had shut down, the heart wished to jump out and prove once and for all, how much he cared. But the brain registered nothing. Months later when he pictured it again as it was just happening , he felt the same feeling. Suffocation, helplessness, the wish to cry at what he had lost, but also laugh at his bold attempt.
"yes or no", he asked.
"why", she said. "anyhow I will lose a friend."
"I am not sorry for feeling the way I do. I cannot go about being friend with all these emotions bottled out. That would be cheating your friendship.I had to tell you. So YES or NO??"
"Can I have some time"
"You already know what you gonna say, listening it on a phone will not make it any sweeter for me."
And the day wore on, with nothing new said. At last,he saw the lips curl and a NO whispered.
His brain, all too intelligent, blocked it out.
The good thing about bikes is that you are so busy accelerating and saving your life, that all else is left for opportune moments. It was that night I relized bike riding can be addictive too.
***
"Gods were pleased with you, the weather was pleasant. So, what did she say"
"We already knew ", he replied.
"And you still went ahead?"
He smiled.
"You gave her the poem? I liked the font.Can you send it to me."
"Bro, you are more excited about the poem than she was."
***
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